My Five Stripping Insights

Part II to the repost, "5 Things You Don't Know About Strippers (Until You Are One)

1.     A lot of us are victims of sexual assault

Although not all strippers have been assaulted, it is extremely common. A lot of girls get assaulted at work. I have personally been assaulted by a former coworker. We don’t talk about being assaulted- we don’t want to relive it. I told my sister the morning after. I wasn’t sure what had exactly happened, or if it even “qualified” as assault. I had been drinking when it happened, so I was afraid that would be evidence against me. That I put myself in a compromising situation, and I shouldn’t have been drinking around a male colleague.

Girls also are assaulted by their boyfriends. They come home with hundreds of dollars, that their boyfriends take from them, and are abused verbally and sexually. Then they are made to think that they didn’t make enough money and have to go back to work the next day and make more. It’s the cycle of assault.

We also can be assaulted during a lap dance. That has also happened to me. I was dancing for a guy, and he wanted to finger me. I couldn’t stop him. I physically couldn’t move his arm, and he was holding me down. I shut my eyes and waited for it to end. It did, eventually. I went to the bathroom after, and there was blood in my pee. Some tissue in the toilet. He had cut the inside of my vagina with his fingers.

We can be assaulted by our managers as well. My first year dancing a girl came in to work day shift and was literally cornered in the dressing room by the day manager. He got her in the one corner the camera didn’t cover. She wasn’t the only one he assaulted either. He did it to many girls and was eventually caught and fired. 

2.     We don’t only strip

Shortly after stripping I found a part-time position, then another. I was working at a restaurant and a retail shop and stripping while going to school full-time. I would strip Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights. I had an agreement with my manager that I could come in between 9-10pm and not get charged extra. He respected my hustle and wanted me to graduate. Without that support I would not have been as successful as I have become as a dancer.

I’ve worked with nurses and lawyers. Paralegals, teachers, hair stylists. Many of us were going to school as well. Some of the most inspiring women I’ve met have been strippers. Girls that would go home at 2am, be up at 6am to take their kids to school, sleep until their afternoon class, pick up their kids from school, and be at the club to work night shift. These girls did it and graduated.

I took one Monday night off because I had an important test the next day and needed to study. The club was slow, and my manager called me in, saying free house. He just needed girls in the club. I told him I would only go in if I could study at the bar- I had zero intention of hustling that night. There I was, sitting at the bar, studying. Not paying attention to anyone. A man came up to me and tapped my shoulder. As I turned around, he went into his wallet and pulled out $500.

“You’re really doing it” he said.

He put the money on my textbook and walked out. I have never seen him since.

3.     We have stalkers

I had a stalker in the club, which I wrote about in my blog “Pierce Your Clit”. I had another stalker, which I have not written about until now. He started off as just a customer I met in the club. He gave me $20s, bought me drinks and cigarettes, and never got lap dances. The ideal customer. After about a year I gave him my number and would text him when I was at work. He started ordering food for me at the club. He was giving me $100s. He added me to his Amazon account and gave me his credit card information. I bought whatever I wanted, yet he never touched me or asked for any sexual favors. I took a break from stripping and slowly stopped talking to him, telling him I was taking a break.

Then he started asking for things. Pictures. He wanted me to come to his house so he could photograph me. I said no.

I blocked him and took myself off his Amazon. I changed all my social media handles and usernames.

I worked at another club in town for about half a year. That first day, I got home and saw I had a text message.

Why are you ignoring me.

You’re a slut.

I know where you are.

You better be careful, before I tell everyone.

How was work?

I knew it was him. Then, I started getting emails. From numerous accounts, all saying similar one-line statements like the ones above. I didn’t know what to do. Who to tell? I was scared to be home, scared to go to work. Eventually the messages and emails stopped. I haven’t seen him since. I got lucky.

My friend Belle was followed home one night. She noticed a car following her when she left the club and got scared. She kept driving around random streets, and they followed her. She called the club and they told her to drive back. She was driving back, still being followed, and got cornered by the other car. She called the club again and kept driving, trying to get out of the tight street. The bouncer came in his car and the other car left. The bouncer followed her back to the club, and she stayed there until she calmed down. The bouncer took her home, leaving her car at the club where she would get it the next day. She was also lucky.

This is why the girls can’t leave the club when it closes. The bouncers need to clear the parking lot and walk us to our cars, or Ubers. Men hide under cars, in shadows, behind trees. This is why I park right in front of the club. In full view of the cameras, and away from the dumpsters.

4.     Dating is hard

Sure, you may think that we always have a guy around, because we are always surrounded by guys who want our attention. Many attractive young men come into the club, so it shouldn’t be hard to find a boyfriend. That’s not the case. Guys like strippers to party with, but not to take home. Strippers aren’t “relationship” material. I would go on dates with guys, and once I told them I was a stripper their whole demeanor would change. They would touch me, grab me, in ways that were inappropriate for someone you just met. They would immediately start talking about sex and assume that I wanted to have sex because I was a stripper. I was easy. So many times, I have been treated less than, just a girl to have fun with, because the men I was seeing couldn’t fathom introducing me to their family. What would they think?! No self-respecting person would date a stripper.

Here’s the secret though. We are girls that want a relationship. We want to go home to our man and be cared for and loved just like everyone else. Also, we are some of the most confident, independent, self-sustaining girls you could ever meet. Think about it. While at work we have to showcase ourselves and compete with numerous other beautiful women. We have to learn the art of conversation, the art of seduction. We have to elicit self-control in challenging situations, and strength and courage when defending ourselves. Who doesn’t like those qualities in a partner?

I have had three serious relationships, and each time they ended I thought I just wasn’t able to have a boyfriend while stripping. My first boyfriend dumped me when he found out I had started stripping. The second boyfriend I met in the club, and we were on and off for about a year, with the final months just being about hooking up. The third boyfriend was verbally abusive and passive aggressive towards me, even though he said he was fine with me stripping. He told me multiple times he could never marry me because I was a stripper.

I accepted the fact that I would just casually date and hook up with guys until my stripping days were over. Now, I am in an incredible relationship, and see that I can have a boyfriend and be a stripper. And I am so glad those other relationships didn’t work out.

5.     Stripping is not glamorous.

I know the movies make it seem mysterious and glamorous. The reality is, it is hard physically and mentally. After my first shift I slept 13 hours. Yeah. I had bruises all over my legs and arms from the pole. Not because I did anything wrong when dancing, but because my body had never had to constantly put pressure on a metal pole. My muscles never had to contract in so many specific ways. I had never had to move my body so smoothly, roll my abdomen like a wave. That takes immense control.

Consider lap dances. For the better part, if not all of three and a half minutes, we are squatting and grinding. Our quads burn like none other. Our bodies must adapt. We do get a drastic lower back curve from twerking, and we have very strong legs. Even the skinniest strippers have more strength than you think. We also sweat. Some clubs have showers for the girls but that is few and far between. We keep baby wipes in our bags to wipe down every hour or so. I also bleach my shoes. My feet sweat like a mother fucker at work.

We get pimples on our legs and ass. It’s from sitting on the vinyl bar seats and sweating. I have started to bring a bandana to sit on to combat this. We also get scrapes and rashes from lap dances. Just think about skin rubbing on denim. Not exactly comfortable. Sometimes our belly button rings get pulled by our outfits, or a customer’s belt or shirt during a dance. That ripping feeling also isn’t great.

Mentally, it is tough. Although we are around people all day, we are inherently alone. Some shifts are hard, and we don’t have anyone to talk to. Customers don’t want to hear about our problems, because they come in and want to talk about themselves. Managers can be supportive but are far from a therapist. You start to feel as though you are only good for your body, because everything is dependent upon how you look. Not what you think. And a lot of men think strippers aren’t intelligent. If I had a quarter for every time I man thought I was lying when I told him I was going to school for marine science, well, I wouldn’t have to strip anymore!

All this compounds. It is, I believe, the main reason us strippers have to take breaks from the club. Take breaks for our bodies to heal as well as our minds. Get some time in the real world and travel, explore our hobbies, work on school, our families, etc. Just get out into the sun! Strip clubs are like casinos. No windows and no working clocks, so you are in darkness for eight hours a day. I don’t think I need to explain how this can have negative mental effects.

We start to think we aren’t worth anything. That we will never be loved, or respected, and we are always in danger of being assaulted.

I have found that once I turned that mentality around, I started making more money than ever. Instead of dreading work, I would set a money goal. I would pick out my outfits carefully and be excited to wear my nice things. I would treat myself to hair extensions, glittery shoes, crazy makeup, real jewelry. I started practicing positive self-talk. I applauded myself for being able to dance and learn pole tricks. I admired the way I was learning conversation and started to enjoy the rush of the hustle. Most importantly, I realized that I was in control. Of my thoughts, my mentality, my actions, my money, and my body.

That is when I truly identified as a stripper and embraced stripping.