Pole Dancing is Easy

…like the girl next door

I’ve been stripping for five years. The pole has become second nature to me. The longer you dance, you figure out that the pole is all about the girls. The customers could give a shit.  When you’re a baby stripper, the pole is the most nerve-wracking thing about working. And rightfully so. You are literally elevated. You’re the center of attention.

There are mirrors all around the club so you can see yourself. If you feel awkward, you can double check in the mirror. 

The first thing you do when you get onstage is clean the pole. There’s usually rubbing alcohol and rags onstage. Sometimes the dancers are required to bring their own alcohol. You want to clean the pole because:

1.     Strippas be nasty.

2.     To remove pole grip. The hardcore strippers use pole grip. This is like a glue to increase grip when a girl does tricks.

3.     To remove oil and body lotion*

4.     Rubbing alcohol will help pole grip by making the skin as dry as possible.

5.     Strippas be hella nasty.

*One of the golden rules of stripping is NO OIL or LOTION. You will get the pole and stage slippery; someone will fall and get hurt.  We want dry skin ladies. Hydrate the night before work, never the day of.

Also, cleaning the pole helps to kill song time. Three songs, anywhere from three to five minutes each, can be a very long time when dancing.

Take 45 seconds to a minute to clean the pole. Make it slow, sexy, and part of the show. Clean the back pole first, then the front pole. Most stages have two poles. With straight legs, bend at the waist and suck that belly in. Keep one hand high on the pole. With the other use the rag to go slowly up and down, twisting around the pole. Make eye contact with a customer. Bite your lip. Wink. Pretend you’re giving a hand job. Make eye contact. Guys love that shit. Drop to the floor and bounce a little bit. Like a low pulsing squat. Stand up. Do the same to the other pole. If you’re successful, you can kill half a song.

Wipe down your forearms, the inside of your legs, and the back of your knees. That’s you can grip the pole if your strength is in your legs. Other girls have incredible grip strength. They can rely more on their upper bodies. You figure out your strength the more and more you dance. 

Eventually you will learn pole tricks. Do not waste your money on a class. When strippers get bored, they take off their shoes and fuck around onstage. They learn from each other. If you absolutely must invest in the pole, buy one for your house and teach yourself using YouTube. Spoiler, most pole dance instructors aren’t strippers. Pole dancing for strippers has a completely different objective than pole dancing for sport. 

The way I learned to pole dance was through liquid courage. I became very good friends with a dancer named Belle. She could dance like a mother fucker. She’s had two kids in the five years I’ve known her. Even after she can dance. We were sitting and drinking during a night shift.  I told her I wanted to learn something.

She looked at me and said “Watch me when I get up. You see something you like, try to re-create it. You know how I learned to dance? I saw a girl go up and said ‘Damn I’m gonna do that.’ So, I was fucked up and confident, and god damn I did them tricks.”

I was not sober during this conversation. I took a shot of tequila. I watched her dance. Then I went up with her. She had me hook my leg around the pole and taught me a couple ways to climb it.

I learned that I like to use my ankle to get up, then pull myself up with my arms. That way I can get my legs situated for the trick and spin myself using the ceiling. Once I get momentum going, I can control how fast I go. Centrifugal force. Like an ice skater. The closer I pull my body towards the pole, the faster I go. If I need to slow down, I pull out and elongate my body horizontally. Spinning is fun though. Unless I’m drunk. Then it’s a little too vomit-inducing. Some girls can dance when drunk. Not me, I get pukey. No one likes a pukey stripper. 

We do these things for ourselves. We do tricks to compete with other girls. To show off our strength and rub it in. I really don’t think I need to point out that girls are extremely competitive. When you put a bunch of hot ones in a room together, well, you see where this is going. Either they make a lesbo porno or only one comes out alive.

Shit, maybe both.

Using the pole to make money is a mind game. You want to move smooth and slow. Seamless transitions. Enticing hips. If you don’t have good abdominal and lower back control, hit the gym. These are key body parts when trying to move your ass. You don’t have to be jacked- just have good muscle control. Using pacific island dance tutorials will teach you how to control and isolate your hips, and how to use your legs when dancing. Think of your stomach as a wave, you don’t want to hump the pole, you want to grind on the pole. When you walk around the pole, keep your feet close to the base. Rotate your hips as you walk around. This makes it look less like walking and more like you’re dancing. It also helps to build momentum if you’re going to jump up and do a trick. 

When a man comes to the stage, you want to dance for him while being mindful of the time. Watch how much money he’s giving you. If he walks up with three dollars, you stay in front of him until he gives you all three, then go back to the pole. You have a whole club to dance for. If a guy is busting bands and dropping a river of ones you better keep your ass right there.

      This is also the time to sell lap dances. Go up to the guy tipping you and wrap your arms around his neck. Whisper in his ear. Make him feel like the only man in the club. Make him believe that you want to dance for him. That the show you’re putting onstage is for him and him alone. And that if he drops that sweet cash on a private room, he’ll get a special show.

Men will also shove money in your panties. They’ll try to cop a feel. Feel free to slap them. Or they’ll shove money in your bra and grab your tit. If you have a lot of piercings, be very aware about where the hand is going.

*Personally, my nipples are pierced. So, this hurts.

Some men are stage groupies. They tip every girl on stage and don’t get dances. Other guys will tip, then go back to their seat. Others are too shy, frightened, or just pussies. As a result, they won’t go tip a girl onstage. When you see a guy watching you onstage, make him your next target. Always go around. Thank the men that tipped you onstage. They might want a lap dance but again do not have the balls to approach you. Give them every opportunity to spend money. Make it easy.

You also need to pay attention to other girls sitting at the stage. At my club, other strippers are only allowed to sit at the stage if they are tipping you. Guys like girl-on-girl action.  They’ll often give another girl money to tip the girl onstage. If a stripper is not tipping the girl onstage, she is not allowed there. The men at the stage are the customers of the girl onstage. If you take someone’s stage customer, you will be jumped. Trust me, I’ve seen it.

Girls are petty. They rarely fist fight. But they fight in other ways. Strippers are worse than men. Even the smallest looking stripper has that possibility of red-hot, crazy bitch that will come out and fight someone. Stripper fights are wild. They should be televised.

If you get tipped hundreds of dollars, the bouncers will sweep it up and put it in a trash bag for you. For lesser amounts, you don’t need a trash bag. The feeling of getting a trash bag is amazing. You are throwing it in all the girl’s faces. You made a ton of money. You are that bitch.

At the end of the day, the girl who made the most money wins.*

*Always lie about how much money you made. It keeps you safe.

Now a few stage stories. 

I mentioned in my last blog that as a white girl in my club, it is hard to make money off black customers. That’s just how it is. I was working night shift and talking to a younger black guy. A pro basketball player. My name was called for the stage. He told me he would take care of me.

I’m dancing for about a song and a half and suddenly there’s money everywhere. The man blew three stacks onstage. The fact that he was black and I was white made a statement. The black guys who were ignoring me came onstage to see what I was about. That whole night I got money from every demographic. People are funny that way.

I’ve also had men throw stacks literally at my vagina. They’ve sent $100 hurdling at my ass. Getting slapped with cash doesn’t hurt at all. It should be normalized during sex.

There was a night where a large group of young people came into the club. There were guys and their girlfriends. I love when young guys come in. It is so easy to hustle them.

I was with this group and everyone was tipping me. Everyone except for the girlfriends. Girlfriends in the club is a conversation for another day. .

The group was sitting at the stage. I was putting it all out there for them. I pulled out all my fancy tricks. I didn’t have to pretend to be having a good time. I love pole dancing. It’s fun. It boosts your confidence. It’s healthy for your body and ego.

I see one guy in the group pulling out money. I’m at the top of the pole and drop down into a split right in front of him. Right as he’s about to throw money, a flurry of blond hair appears. His bitch girlfriend pulls him by the shoulder out of his seat.

“Nooooope!” she said.

I roll my eyes when I remember this story. Only a special, wonderful, confident, fun, sexy girlfriend can accompany her man to the club. Because, news flash, strippers don’t want your man. They want your man’s money. And a lot of us are in relationships or are gay. 

Last night, there were an incredible number of girls working. At least 40. We started going up onstage in twos. When two girls go up together, we split stage money 50/50. 

The DJ randomly chose the girls to go up. The girl I was supposed to go up with didn’t come up.

That means I get to keep all the money. Completely fine by me.

 I was dancing alone for three songs on a busy Saturday night. Eventually I get $60 thrown at me. During my second song, the next two girls get on stage. I stare at them. I look at the bouncer, and he’s looking at them.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he says.

It was still my set. 

My customers, my money on the stage.

Get your ass down. 

I stared at them and kept dancing until they got down.

When you are on stage, you own that stage. Down to the very last second of the last song in your set. Do not let anyone take that away from you.

Do not let anyone come close to taking money you made yourself.

You deserve every dollar on that stage.

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